Hasn't life been a doozy lately...! I can see from other people's blogs that many of us are feeling it to some degree, but speaking just for myself I definitely feel like I've been through a very strong dynamic lately and I am now possibly emerging out the other side.
These last couple of months have been so intense! I've had a real peak of questioning of self, of painful self-examination. I've had physical symptoms, relating to stomach pains and difficulties ahem in the bathroom.I've had some intense dreams at night. And then this past weekend I feel I reached a culmination of everything so far this year.
I was laying out on the balcony enjoying a warm winter day, when I had a realisation. (I seem to get a lot of these on the balcony!!) All the pain and intensity and erratic behaviour I'd been experiencing had been the death throes of a part of myself - a part of myself that is poisonous, that is negative, that in fact thrives on negativity and tries to get me to do more negative stuff so it can feed itself more. The author Eckhart Tolle calls this inner entity, the "pain body".
It seems that we all have a "pain body", whether we know it or not, and its that part of our psyche that is primitive, primal and unrefined. I guess it could be classed as the "survival" part of us, the part that wants to preserve itself no matter what the cost. Or it could simply be like the Star Trek Next Generation episode "Skin of Evil", in which a gooey, tar-like substance which is a residue of all the evil in a society threatens the Enterprise crew.
What I'm trying to say is that I could feel this thing within me really subside, and if not die off completely then certainly lose a lot of its power. Lately I have been pursuing a life long aim of improving myself, purifying my mind, my body, and my behaviours. Its not that I follow any particular or rigorous course of action - its simply something I have grown my awareness of over many years and its something I guess I've always aimed out deep down. But lately especially I have been letting go of a lot of negative patterns - addictions, negative thoughts and the like - and I guess depriving my "pain body" of the energy it needs to stay active.
And so it seems that lately my pain body was reacting to my efforts with greater intensity - like a final blast of negativity (erratic behaviours, outbursts, selfishness etc) as a desperate attempt to keep the negative cycles going. But as I lay there on the balcony I felt these energies finally subside, like a dimmer switch was turned right down. Phew! About time too.
I am really encouraged in my self-work to see that I am getting these results. No question about it, personal improvement is not a path for the faint-hearted. I feel like I've been challenged on every front by this process - physically, mentally, emotionally. Your whole being gets challenged when you decide you want to grow, to improve, and it takes guts and perseverance to get through it. But if you keep your faith through it all, and stay willing to be corrected (and God knows I have been pretty intensely stubborn at times, serving the pain body without realising it!) and stay willing to return to a loving perspective, you can make it.
I guess its a detox program for the soul!! I want to wish everyone else who may be on a similar path all the good fortune in the world. Remember to watch and listen for guidance that wants to come through, and as always
Blessed be!
Anthony
Showing posts with label personality changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personality changes. Show all posts
Monday, July 9, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Go easy on yourself
Well, what a time! I have seen other spiritual bloggers post about struggling with their issues in recent weeks, and it seems the energies around this powerful Gemini New Moon that is currently active are really hitting home. I am definitely no exception!
The major theme coming out of this time seems to be the shadow - the part of ourselves that we really don't like to see, or even admit to. And yet in its hidden abode beneath the surface of our everyday persona, it wields a power unknown to us.
When this shadow erupts into our daily life, say in the form of anger, or over-indulgence, or in erratic or destructive behaviour, we might first wonder what the heck is going on. But if there is a part of us that we have forgotten was there, it has learned to make its own rules in its dark realm. Only by allowing it into the light of day can we acknowledge and recognise what we formerly denied.
In this way we can begin to achieve wholeness - we can learn to love the shadow. It is an aspect of ourselves, and all that forgotten energy, tied up in past hurts and regrets, can finally be released for our benefit in the here and now. We can at last give our shadow a positive purpose! We can use the energy unlocked to live our lives more fully, more joyfully, more intensely.
We can finally be more honest with ourselves, and feel the freedom that comes with that. I give thanks to the two (count 'em!) Gemini new moons we have experienced within the last 4 weeks, for they have given me such valuable - and hard-earned! - insight into what I needed to do to own my shadow.
The major theme coming out of this time seems to be the shadow - the part of ourselves that we really don't like to see, or even admit to. And yet in its hidden abode beneath the surface of our everyday persona, it wields a power unknown to us.
When this shadow erupts into our daily life, say in the form of anger, or over-indulgence, or in erratic or destructive behaviour, we might first wonder what the heck is going on. But if there is a part of us that we have forgotten was there, it has learned to make its own rules in its dark realm. Only by allowing it into the light of day can we acknowledge and recognise what we formerly denied.
In this way we can begin to achieve wholeness - we can learn to love the shadow. It is an aspect of ourselves, and all that forgotten energy, tied up in past hurts and regrets, can finally be released for our benefit in the here and now. We can at last give our shadow a positive purpose! We can use the energy unlocked to live our lives more fully, more joyfully, more intensely.
We can finally be more honest with ourselves, and feel the freedom that comes with that. I give thanks to the two (count 'em!) Gemini new moons we have experienced within the last 4 weeks, for they have given me such valuable - and hard-earned! - insight into what I needed to do to own my shadow.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Been a long time...
Well it's been some time since I last posted...and what a ride its been in the meantime! And I don't just mean events in the external world; I am also referring to what seems to be an inner roller-coaster ride, a true journey of the spirit these last few months.
I read recently in a new age e-magazine that many of us in the human race are weary; as a collective, many of us are finding it hard just dragging ourselves around. There only seems to be enough energy to do the bare minimum, get through the day then stumble into bed and get a few hours of fitful sleep. There isn't much in the way of inner peace, so it seems, although the external world seems to be just about hanging together in a delicate balance of this force set against that.
For me, I find myself mulling over things of the past perhaps a little too much. And this mulling can be anything from my own personal memories of past times in my life, both pleasurable and painful. Or it can simply be dwelling too much on our collective past; on historical matters that perhaps once had relevance but are now questionable. (I won't go into that here.) I have found myself feeling stuck; like I'm just going over the same old mental and emotional ground and I can't quite seem to engage myself into the next gear.
Perhaps it's been in order that an element of stillness rules at this time. My sister is 28 and for some time now she has been wanting to become a mother. But her life in general also seems rather stuck; she lives in a coastal area where she knows basically no-one, she lives with her partner but they both have felt unable to spark any changes. Then recently she told me that they are thinking of moving back to our home town in the country, and it seemed like changes were finally about to take place for her. But now, once again, stillness and a sense of inactivity dominates the vibes around her.
I really believe that the world is getting ready to move into a new time. Many of the old, seemingly unassailable institutions of the past are slowly being eroded away. Scandals are rife; witness the once-great, all-conquering Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had come from extremely humble beginnings in Austria, then through one iconic movie role become world famous, and then married into American "royalty". No doubt he fully lived all the temptations that came his way - and now his indiscretions are finally coming to light and he appears to have lost so much because of it.
Rupert Murdoch - media mogul, owner of Fox and 20th Century Fox, not to mention an obscene 70% of Britian's media. Also a giant in his field, seemingly undefeated, now being rocked to the core by the phone hacking scandal. Truly, it's as if the world-spirit is doing a little housecleaning before letting in the new energies of cosmic springtime.
And the same principles are applying in our daily lives. If we are sincere in trying to improve, we are being supported. Its as if a Scientology-style audit is taking place deep in our innermost being. A final summing up, a 'last judgement', if you will, before the end/new beginning.
And I guess that is the real point - this is the end, and so many of the energies around us are sluggish for that very reason. They haven't yet found the new direction in which to flow, like a stream caught in an eddy. We keep going round and round and round...but once the energies are fully digested, fully processed and full understanding is reached, then perhaps, then the river will burst its banks once more and the stream will be able to flow joyfully and strongly once again.
Phew, really waxing lyrical here. But it was the only way I could express what I had to say. Just had to let it flow, like the stream. Blessings, joy and empowerment to all.
I read recently in a new age e-magazine that many of us in the human race are weary; as a collective, many of us are finding it hard just dragging ourselves around. There only seems to be enough energy to do the bare minimum, get through the day then stumble into bed and get a few hours of fitful sleep. There isn't much in the way of inner peace, so it seems, although the external world seems to be just about hanging together in a delicate balance of this force set against that.
For me, I find myself mulling over things of the past perhaps a little too much. And this mulling can be anything from my own personal memories of past times in my life, both pleasurable and painful. Or it can simply be dwelling too much on our collective past; on historical matters that perhaps once had relevance but are now questionable. (I won't go into that here.) I have found myself feeling stuck; like I'm just going over the same old mental and emotional ground and I can't quite seem to engage myself into the next gear.
Perhaps it's been in order that an element of stillness rules at this time. My sister is 28 and for some time now she has been wanting to become a mother. But her life in general also seems rather stuck; she lives in a coastal area where she knows basically no-one, she lives with her partner but they both have felt unable to spark any changes. Then recently she told me that they are thinking of moving back to our home town in the country, and it seemed like changes were finally about to take place for her. But now, once again, stillness and a sense of inactivity dominates the vibes around her.
I really believe that the world is getting ready to move into a new time. Many of the old, seemingly unassailable institutions of the past are slowly being eroded away. Scandals are rife; witness the once-great, all-conquering Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had come from extremely humble beginnings in Austria, then through one iconic movie role become world famous, and then married into American "royalty". No doubt he fully lived all the temptations that came his way - and now his indiscretions are finally coming to light and he appears to have lost so much because of it.
Rupert Murdoch - media mogul, owner of Fox and 20th Century Fox, not to mention an obscene 70% of Britian's media. Also a giant in his field, seemingly undefeated, now being rocked to the core by the phone hacking scandal. Truly, it's as if the world-spirit is doing a little housecleaning before letting in the new energies of cosmic springtime.
And the same principles are applying in our daily lives. If we are sincere in trying to improve, we are being supported. Its as if a Scientology-style audit is taking place deep in our innermost being. A final summing up, a 'last judgement', if you will, before the end/new beginning.
And I guess that is the real point - this is the end, and so many of the energies around us are sluggish for that very reason. They haven't yet found the new direction in which to flow, like a stream caught in an eddy. We keep going round and round and round...but once the energies are fully digested, fully processed and full understanding is reached, then perhaps, then the river will burst its banks once more and the stream will be able to flow joyfully and strongly once again.
Phew, really waxing lyrical here. But it was the only way I could express what I had to say. Just had to let it flow, like the stream. Blessings, joy and empowerment to all.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Chiron - the Alchemist of the New Age
I've not posted for a couple of weeks as I was waiting for something good to say. Then today I feel like I had a fascinating realisation about Chiron, that little understood member of our solar system.
In Greek mythology Chiron is a centaur, in fact the most educated and civilised member of that race. He is a healer, a herbalist and a wise mentor to men. He is famous for having been accidentally shot by Heracles' (Hercules) poison arrows, and for suffering constantly because as an immortal god he could not die. With Zeus' intercession Chiron gave up his immortality to Prometheus, who was chained to a rock. So Chiron was allowed to die rather than suffer for eternity, and Zeus placed him in the sky as the constellation Sagittarius (some sources say Centaurus).
Chiron the asteroid was discovered in 1977. It was soon realised that Chiron is in fact part icy comet, part rocky asteriod that travels between the orbits of Saturn and Uranus.
Chiron's physical makeup is a big clue to his function in astrology. Many astrologers feel that Chiron partakes of the energies of both Uranus and Saturn; the icy part ~ and his erratic orbit! ~ represent his connection to the cosmic energies of Uranus, and the rocky, materialistic part to the energies of Saturn.
I believe Chiron has a major role to play in helping humankind to enter the Age of Aquarius. Many people in the "new age" community believe the Age of Aquarius heralds a new era of relations between humans, and with humans to the heavens. The trick is that Uranus and Aquarius represent having access to cosmic wisdom which could help facilitate this change; but Saturn represents the existing forms we all struggle with, the status quo that's been in place for so long, the things we see around us that depress us and make us pessimistic about the future.
The good news is that a change IS due, and we can all play our part in this. Chiron in the birth chart can help you see where you can channel the cosmic wisdom into an acceptable form in your life. Chiron, as the mediator between Mind and Matter, can help us to transform our ideas into reality.
For example, this blog is one attempt at activating my own Chiron. I have Chiron in the 5th house, which is creative expression, and in Aries, which is indepedence and assertion. By having this forum for my desire for creative expression, I am doing something to satisfy my need to transform my life.
In Greek mythology Chiron is a centaur, in fact the most educated and civilised member of that race. He is a healer, a herbalist and a wise mentor to men. He is famous for having been accidentally shot by Heracles' (Hercules) poison arrows, and for suffering constantly because as an immortal god he could not die. With Zeus' intercession Chiron gave up his immortality to Prometheus, who was chained to a rock. So Chiron was allowed to die rather than suffer for eternity, and Zeus placed him in the sky as the constellation Sagittarius (some sources say Centaurus).
Chiron the asteroid was discovered in 1977. It was soon realised that Chiron is in fact part icy comet, part rocky asteriod that travels between the orbits of Saturn and Uranus.
Chiron's physical makeup is a big clue to his function in astrology. Many astrologers feel that Chiron partakes of the energies of both Uranus and Saturn; the icy part ~ and his erratic orbit! ~ represent his connection to the cosmic energies of Uranus, and the rocky, materialistic part to the energies of Saturn.
I believe Chiron has a major role to play in helping humankind to enter the Age of Aquarius. Many people in the "new age" community believe the Age of Aquarius heralds a new era of relations between humans, and with humans to the heavens. The trick is that Uranus and Aquarius represent having access to cosmic wisdom which could help facilitate this change; but Saturn represents the existing forms we all struggle with, the status quo that's been in place for so long, the things we see around us that depress us and make us pessimistic about the future.
The good news is that a change IS due, and we can all play our part in this. Chiron in the birth chart can help you see where you can channel the cosmic wisdom into an acceptable form in your life. Chiron, as the mediator between Mind and Matter, can help us to transform our ideas into reality.
For example, this blog is one attempt at activating my own Chiron. I have Chiron in the 5th house, which is creative expression, and in Aries, which is indepedence and assertion. By having this forum for my desire for creative expression, I am doing something to satisfy my need to transform my life.
Chiron is associated with healing, and by activating our Chiron we can begin the work of self healing.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Power of the Moon
I want to put on my astrologer's hat for a moment and talk about the Progressed Moon, and the effect it has as it moves through your birth chart.
In astrology, we each have a Sun sign, and also a Moon sign. The Progressed Moon is a measurement of the moon's movement after our date of birth - and of how often our Moon changes signs (and houses) in our chart (which is roughly every 2.5 years).
My Moon has just progressed into Virgo. Let me tell you I am feeling these effects already! I have totally revamped and reorganised this blog, and, after a long stint of doing temporary work assignments, it looks like I will once more have a full-time job (Virgo governs one's daily work and routine).
But more than that, it's the mannerisms and speech patterns that I have observed changing in myself lately. I notice I am more intolerant of other people's foibles, whereas previously I was more easy-going. I am cranky and irritable, where beforehand I was more light hearted. My partner has noticed these changes too, and it's a little unsettling for her ~ she feels almost like I am a different person!
All this goes to emphasise the power of the progressed Moon, and it makes me think of relationships that go through a rough patch after the first one to two years. We have all heard people say, "Oh, so-and-so has changed. I feel like I don't know him / her anymore. He's not the person I met / married"!
Maybe in some cases this is due to the effects Progressed Moon. Astrologically the Moon governs our emotions, our reaction to circumstance. When the Progressed Moon changes signs, it's possible that a whole new disposition comes into effect. Reactions change; emotional expression changes. Someone who was once a bit of a wall-flower may suddenly get an infusion of self-confidence. A person who was once finicky and overly-precious may chill out more, be more easy-going. A person who was quite social and outward-bound may suddenly become more inward, brooding, even obsessive.
All this can be the effect of the Progressed Moon, and it all depends on the sign the Moon is leaving and the one she is passing into.
Studying astrology can yield many such useful insights into the mysterious thing that is human nature. For the interested, I recommend checking out Astrodienst, where you can create a free, personal online profile and get a free birth chart interpretation. All you need to know is your date, exact time and place of birth. Happy star-trails!
In astrology, we each have a Sun sign, and also a Moon sign. The Progressed Moon is a measurement of the moon's movement after our date of birth - and of how often our Moon changes signs (and houses) in our chart (which is roughly every 2.5 years).
My Moon has just progressed into Virgo. Let me tell you I am feeling these effects already! I have totally revamped and reorganised this blog, and, after a long stint of doing temporary work assignments, it looks like I will once more have a full-time job (Virgo governs one's daily work and routine).
But more than that, it's the mannerisms and speech patterns that I have observed changing in myself lately. I notice I am more intolerant of other people's foibles, whereas previously I was more easy-going. I am cranky and irritable, where beforehand I was more light hearted. My partner has noticed these changes too, and it's a little unsettling for her ~ she feels almost like I am a different person!
All this goes to emphasise the power of the progressed Moon, and it makes me think of relationships that go through a rough patch after the first one to two years. We have all heard people say, "Oh, so-and-so has changed. I feel like I don't know him / her anymore. He's not the person I met / married"!
Maybe in some cases this is due to the effects Progressed Moon. Astrologically the Moon governs our emotions, our reaction to circumstance. When the Progressed Moon changes signs, it's possible that a whole new disposition comes into effect. Reactions change; emotional expression changes. Someone who was once a bit of a wall-flower may suddenly get an infusion of self-confidence. A person who was once finicky and overly-precious may chill out more, be more easy-going. A person who was quite social and outward-bound may suddenly become more inward, brooding, even obsessive.
All this can be the effect of the Progressed Moon, and it all depends on the sign the Moon is leaving and the one she is passing into.
Studying astrology can yield many such useful insights into the mysterious thing that is human nature. For the interested, I recommend checking out Astrodienst, where you can create a free, personal online profile and get a free birth chart interpretation. All you need to know is your date, exact time and place of birth. Happy star-trails!
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