Hasn't life been a doozy lately...! I can see from other people's blogs that many of us are feeling it to some degree, but speaking just for myself I definitely feel like I've been through a very strong dynamic lately and I am now possibly emerging out the other side.
These last couple of months have been so intense! I've had a real peak of questioning of self, of painful self-examination. I've had physical symptoms, relating to stomach pains and difficulties ahem in the bathroom.I've had some intense dreams at night. And then this past weekend I feel I reached a culmination of everything so far this year.
I was laying out on the balcony enjoying a warm winter day, when I had a realisation. (I seem to get a lot of these on the balcony!!) All the pain and intensity and erratic behaviour I'd been experiencing had been the death throes of a part of myself - a part of myself that is poisonous, that is negative, that in fact thrives on negativity and tries to get me to do more negative stuff so it can feed itself more. The author Eckhart Tolle calls this inner entity, the "pain body".
It seems that we all have a "pain body", whether we know it or not, and its that part of our psyche that is primitive, primal and unrefined. I guess it could be classed as the "survival" part of us, the part that wants to preserve itself no matter what the cost. Or it could simply be like the Star Trek Next Generation episode "Skin of Evil", in which a gooey, tar-like substance which is a residue of all the evil in a society threatens the Enterprise crew.
What I'm trying to say is that I could feel this thing within me really subside, and if not die off completely then certainly lose a lot of its power. Lately I have been pursuing a life long aim of improving myself, purifying my mind, my body, and my behaviours. Its not that I follow any particular or rigorous course of action - its simply something I have grown my awareness of over many years and its something I guess I've always aimed out deep down. But lately especially I have been letting go of a lot of negative patterns - addictions, negative thoughts and the like - and I guess depriving my "pain body" of the energy it needs to stay active.
And so it seems that lately my pain body was reacting to my efforts with greater intensity - like a final blast of negativity (erratic behaviours, outbursts, selfishness etc) as a desperate attempt to keep the negative cycles going. But as I lay there on the balcony I felt these energies finally subside, like a dimmer switch was turned right down. Phew! About time too.
I am really encouraged in my self-work to see that I am getting these results. No question about it, personal improvement is not a path for the faint-hearted. I feel like I've been challenged on every front by this process - physically, mentally, emotionally. Your whole being gets challenged when you decide you want to grow, to improve, and it takes guts and perseverance to get through it. But if you keep your faith through it all, and stay willing to be corrected (and God knows I have been pretty intensely stubborn at times, serving the pain body without realising it!) and stay willing to return to a loving perspective, you can make it.
I guess its a detox program for the soul!! I want to wish everyone else who may be on a similar path all the good fortune in the world. Remember to watch and listen for guidance that wants to come through, and as always
Blessed be!
Anthony
Showing posts with label Eckhart Tolle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eckhart Tolle. Show all posts
Monday, July 9, 2012
Friday, June 12, 2009
Obama is not the answer - you are
Hello again gentle readers
Lately it's become trendy to revile Barack Obama in the blogosphere. When he was elected there was general public euphoria ~ now it seems the honeymoon is over, and because instant Utopia has seemingly not emerged, the public are gradually turning on the man.
Can I urge a little balance here people. Frankly I too was glad to see him elected ~ not because he was any kind of saviour, but he was at least a well-spoken, articulate man of apparently, at least, some sensitivity. Surely it's better we have someone in office who is interested in the future as opposed to simply maintaining a worn-out status quo.
My view is simply this ~ you wanted him to solve all your problems, now you are blaming him for what is still not fixed. Can I suggest that as the man himself said in his inaugural speech, it really is up to each one of us ~ yep, that's right - you! ~ to address our personal and collective problems. I am not advocating the radical individualism of the past. I am reminding us all that we have the power in our own hands to improve our personal reality.
The way to do this, in my humble opinion, is to realise that much of what we do is dysfunctional. This is not to condemn anyone, but rather to help. We need to stop trying to solve our problems at the level of the mind ~ because it's our overactive, self-deceptive, monkey-chattering minds that ARE the problem.
More and more, I find I am craving a better way of living ~ not, in the first instance, a "better life", which is the well-worn egoic mind's perpetual external-seeking of something "better". I crave for myself more objectivity, more inner stability both of my mind and persona. I really feel I need to get out of the way; to be the observer rather than the reactor. As I cultivate this inner observer more, I can see that others sense the change in me. I cease to have any particular agenda, therefore I get back from the universe a positive reaction, smiles from strangers, and a greater sense of inner peace.
All this can be done while being active in the world. We just need to come back to square one ~ which is our very self. Let's tear down the idea of "my-self"; this entity that needs constant fulfillment and distraction. Let's try to return to the sacred inner source where all our needs are already met.
I am constantly reminded of the words of Eckhart Tolle ~ such simple, nourishing words that being me back to first principles every time. That's what I believe we need right now ~ in a world that wants to take us away from our inner self, let's remember that without our inner self we can never have the truly better quality of life we all crave. Blessings and peace to all
Anthony
Lately it's become trendy to revile Barack Obama in the blogosphere. When he was elected there was general public euphoria ~ now it seems the honeymoon is over, and because instant Utopia has seemingly not emerged, the public are gradually turning on the man.
Can I urge a little balance here people. Frankly I too was glad to see him elected ~ not because he was any kind of saviour, but he was at least a well-spoken, articulate man of apparently, at least, some sensitivity. Surely it's better we have someone in office who is interested in the future as opposed to simply maintaining a worn-out status quo.
My view is simply this ~ you wanted him to solve all your problems, now you are blaming him for what is still not fixed. Can I suggest that as the man himself said in his inaugural speech, it really is up to each one of us ~ yep, that's right - you! ~ to address our personal and collective problems. I am not advocating the radical individualism of the past. I am reminding us all that we have the power in our own hands to improve our personal reality.
The way to do this, in my humble opinion, is to realise that much of what we do is dysfunctional. This is not to condemn anyone, but rather to help. We need to stop trying to solve our problems at the level of the mind ~ because it's our overactive, self-deceptive, monkey-chattering minds that ARE the problem.
More and more, I find I am craving a better way of living ~ not, in the first instance, a "better life", which is the well-worn egoic mind's perpetual external-seeking of something "better". I crave for myself more objectivity, more inner stability both of my mind and persona. I really feel I need to get out of the way; to be the observer rather than the reactor. As I cultivate this inner observer more, I can see that others sense the change in me. I cease to have any particular agenda, therefore I get back from the universe a positive reaction, smiles from strangers, and a greater sense of inner peace.
All this can be done while being active in the world. We just need to come back to square one ~ which is our very self. Let's tear down the idea of "my-self"; this entity that needs constant fulfillment and distraction. Let's try to return to the sacred inner source where all our needs are already met.
I am constantly reminded of the words of Eckhart Tolle ~ such simple, nourishing words that being me back to first principles every time. That's what I believe we need right now ~ in a world that wants to take us away from our inner self, let's remember that without our inner self we can never have the truly better quality of life we all crave. Blessings and peace to all
Anthony
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Transformation with consciousness
I want to mention two more books I've read lately, which are Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now and A New Earth.
These books are so useful because they define the main dilemma we have today, namely, the mind-ego and its machinations. Tolle elegantly but insightfully points out that the main cause of our suffering is our mind, which, being largely cut off from the main source of life-energy, thinks itself weak and insecure. Thus is born the existential terror most of us face ~ the fear of death.
I had a mini-revelation yesterday when I realised some of the truth that I am not the mind-ego that fears its death. I am the "I" who is beyond the death of the ego. In that moment I saw clearly that the fear of death is really just from the ego, which is an insecure structure of mental energy, made of of thoughts and fears, that must one day dissolve. I suddenly felt liberated, in some way, from the fear of personal death.
I have always believed in a spiritual reality beyond this world that we perceive with our five senses. Yet this was a new thing for me, to have a moment where I could clearly see the illusory nature of ego. I guess my reading paid off. Thank you, Mr Tolle!
Now for anyone who is also on a spiritual-seeking path, do not be put off by all this high-falutin' jargon. Tolle is very much in tune with the teachings of Jesus, and much of what Tolle says is in perfect alignment with the Master. For me, Jesus has always been number 1 in wisdom and in spiritual truth ~ what Tolle does is give this wisdom a refresh for our times. It's the same wisdom, it's just being given a new and contemporary airing.
I highly recommend these two titles, The Power of Now and A New Earth, for anyone who wants to get to grips directly with the cause of their own suffering, and who wants to take practical steps towards gaining their own enlightenment-moment.
These books are so useful because they define the main dilemma we have today, namely, the mind-ego and its machinations. Tolle elegantly but insightfully points out that the main cause of our suffering is our mind, which, being largely cut off from the main source of life-energy, thinks itself weak and insecure. Thus is born the existential terror most of us face ~ the fear of death.
I had a mini-revelation yesterday when I realised some of the truth that I am not the mind-ego that fears its death. I am the "I" who is beyond the death of the ego. In that moment I saw clearly that the fear of death is really just from the ego, which is an insecure structure of mental energy, made of of thoughts and fears, that must one day dissolve. I suddenly felt liberated, in some way, from the fear of personal death.
I have always believed in a spiritual reality beyond this world that we perceive with our five senses. Yet this was a new thing for me, to have a moment where I could clearly see the illusory nature of ego. I guess my reading paid off. Thank you, Mr Tolle!
Now for anyone who is also on a spiritual-seeking path, do not be put off by all this high-falutin' jargon. Tolle is very much in tune with the teachings of Jesus, and much of what Tolle says is in perfect alignment with the Master. For me, Jesus has always been number 1 in wisdom and in spiritual truth ~ what Tolle does is give this wisdom a refresh for our times. It's the same wisdom, it's just being given a new and contemporary airing.
I highly recommend these two titles, The Power of Now and A New Earth, for anyone who wants to get to grips directly with the cause of their own suffering, and who wants to take practical steps towards gaining their own enlightenment-moment.
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